Apr 4, 2012

I just don't understand

Let me begin by expressing my gratitude for the blessings in my life.

My Blessings:

Brent, my dear, sweet, loving, adoring husband.  He is my rock.  He stands by me in my wonderful moments as well as my awful ones.  He patiently supports me when I come up with crazy ideas and only slightly teases (this is just his personality) me when they fail miserably.

B, my kind hearted, thoughtful 6 year old son.  I simply love how he loves to figure out how everything works.  He is so helpful and I often refer to him as my right hand man.  He teaches me something new each day.  I am so thankful to have been chosen to be his Mommy.

My sweet little G, we never know what he is going to say or do.  He keeps me on my toes and reminds me to just simply laugh even when I don't think I possibly can.  He is such a happy go lucky silly little boy!  I love him bigger than a manatee.

My precious little sugar baby, Baby M.  She is such a laid back baby and her smile brightens my life each day.  Words cannot express the joy she has brought to our lives in the short (almost) 4 months she has been here.

Ok, now that I have shared my blessings, I feel that I need to share that realize how lucky I am.  There are others in this world who have experienced set backs that are much more devastating then the one I'm getting ready to discuss.  I am, however, a person and while I do have a lot of wonderful things going on in my life, I too, worry and questions events that I don't understand.

This afternoon, I took Baby M to the doctor for her 4 month (she'll be 4 months old on Saturday) Well Baby check up.

She was weighed and measured.  I was asked about sleeping and eating habits, weather she was rolling over or not, if she is grabbing for objects, and actually holding onto objects.  Finally, we talked about her eyes. 

At her 2 month appointment I mentioned to the doctor that her right eye seemed to turn in toward her nose frequently.  He told me to keep an eye on it and that it wasn't a concern until 4 months of age.  Well here we are at the 4 month visit and her eye is still turning in.  Our next step is to visit a pediatric opthamologist.

After being forced to face this reality I called the recommended doctor immediately to schedule an appointment.  Unfortunately, I was forced to leave a message because they stopped answering phones for the day. 

Now I get to play the waiting game.  As I wait more questions and thoughts arise within my head.  This is now child #2 in our family with eye trouble (We learned in the fall that G was in need of glasses.  We are so thankful for preschool vision screening.) 

Could this have been avoided? 
What could I have done differently while pregnant with these two? 
Is it simply something in our genes?
What kind of steps are we looking at to help Baby M?
Will she require eye drop therapy like G?
Is she going to need surgery?

I am hoping to hear back from the doctor tomorrow.  Only time will tell what we are faced with regarding her vision.  I know I need to be patient and thankful to simply be able to hold my sweet baby. 

For now the best thing I can do is hold her and tell her I love her, this fact will never change.

**10/17/12 Update**


  1. I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's hard to play the waiting game while your mind wanders, but I'm sure it will all be okay. Sending hugs!

  2. Aww, prayers for the little gal! I know it's hard to think about, but it could be so much worse, right? And definitely don't beat yourself up - it's just a fluke thing and has nothing to do with things you did while pregnant.

    My best friend was born cross-eyed. She did have to have multiple surgeries, but it's just fine now and she is stronger because of it. If it ends up being diagnosed as what she had, I'd be happy to put you in touch with her so she can tell you about her experience.

    And by the way, she is ADORABLE! Seriously, love that little face!

  3. Thank you! I know it could be worse. One of my closest friends had a child who was born with a cleft lip and palate. That poor little girl has gone through multiple surgeries and she is such a trooper. I really appreciate the background info. about your friend. I'm glad to hear she is doing well. Baby M's appointment is on May 2nd. I will know more then. I may take you up on the offer if need be. Thank you again!

    We think she's pretty adorable, too, but it's nice to know that we're not biased or anything . . . THANKS!